I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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