Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
