Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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