No stitches, just platelets and will power
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
