as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
