Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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