After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize