I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
