If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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