You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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