garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Welp...herpes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
