I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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