So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
