I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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