i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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