My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
