All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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