We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
