You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
