But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
In the future we'll all be gay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
