I will die if light touches me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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