Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
