bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
