My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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