i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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