took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
