the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
