the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
