Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
