Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
