I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
