There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
