I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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