I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
