is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
