remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
