This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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