i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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