He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
