guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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