My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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