If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
