woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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