It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
