She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
