need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
