I cockslap morals
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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