R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
