HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
