yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
