i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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