Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
