I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
