Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
