So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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