Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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