I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
