Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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