note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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