I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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