Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
