I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
